What is what to do when a co parent is toxic?

When dealing with a toxic co-parent, it's crucial to prioritize your well-being and, most importantly, your child's. Here's a breakdown of strategies:

• Limit Communication: Strive for "business-only" interactions. Use email or a co-parenting app to keep communication focused, documented, and less emotionally charged. Avoid personal topics and lengthy conversations. Document all interactions. This provides a record of the toxic behavior, which can be useful in court if needed. Learn and practice techniques for gray rocking, which involves becoming as unresponsive and uninteresting as possible to avoid triggering a reaction.

• Establish Clear Boundaries: Define and enforce strict boundaries. Don't engage in arguments or be drawn into their drama. Be firm and consistent. Don't agree to last-minute changes to the schedule if it inconveniences you or the child. Be firm about drop-off and pick-up times. Clearly state what you are and are not willing to do.

• Focus on Your Child: Make all decisions based on your child's best interests. Shield your child from the toxicity as much as possible. Avoid speaking negatively about the other parent in front of them, even if they are the source of the toxicity. Encourage a healthy relationship between your child and the other parent, as long as it is safe and appropriate. Ensure your child has a safe and supportive environment when they are with you.

• Document Everything: Keep a detailed record of all interactions, including emails, texts, and phone calls. Note dates, times, and the content of the communication. Also, document instances of the toxic behavior.

• Seek Legal Advice: If the toxicity escalates or impacts your child's well-being, consult with a family law attorney. They can advise you on your legal options, such as modifying the custody agreement or seeking a restraining order.

• Practice Self-Care: Coping with a toxic co-parent can be emotionally draining. Prioritize your physical and mental health. Engage in activities that help you relax and de-stress. Seek support from friends, family, or a therapist. Consider therapy for yourself and your child. It provides coping mechanisms and a safe space to process emotions.

• Never Argue in Front of Your Child: Do not engage in arguments or disagreements in front of your child. If your co-parent starts an argument when the child is present, disengage and remove yourself and the child from the situation.

• Use Parallel Parenting: Embrace parallel parenting, which minimizes interaction between parents. Each parent makes decisions independently when the child is in their care. This is helpful when co-parenting is impossible due to high conflict.

• Choose Your Battles: Don't react to every provocation. Decide what is truly important and let the rest go. This will save you energy and reduce conflict.